They'll Miss Me When I've Gone
Least impressive suicide evar?
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
We Welcome Our Communist Masters
This time, it's not Jet Li in Bodyguard from Beijing. No, this is a reason we should be happy to live under North Korean Communism.
 There is no human problem which could not be solved if people would simply do as I advise. -- Gore Vidal AMD and Sun Announce a Landmark Alliance Sun Microsystems has selected AMD Opteron? processors for a new line of x86 systems that the company plans to rollout in the first half of 2004. Scott McNealy, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer for Sun, announced the plans during his keynote at COMDEX on November 17, 2003. Sun plans to rely on the AMD Opteron processors in support of its strategy to help customers "scale out" with high-performance horizontal computing solutions. With future plans to unveil a comprehensive set of products -- including servers, workstations, Solaris optimized for 64-bit x86, and other products and services -- Sun plans to offer its customers ultimate choice in high performing systems for their network computing needs. Telstra dumps its email TELSTRA is preparing a tender for a new email platform as part of its $100 million response to four months of serious system problems. Cisco going down market BUSINESS-grade network kit king Cisco will try to extend its market grip into Australia's lounge rooms, home offices and small businesses with its down market Linksys networking range. Apple stack officially number 3 SUPERCOMPUTING is moving into the commercial realm as nearly half the machines on this year's list of the fastest computers were built from clusters of cheaper, off-the-shelf processors, including the new No. 3, a supercomputer assembled with 1,100 Apple PCs. IBM wants top supercomputer spot IT'S only the size of a dishwasher, but it's crammed with 1,024 microprocessors, housed in an innovative slanted cabinet and can perform a whopping 2 trillion calculations per second, ranking it as one of the world's fastest supercomputers. Gates Unveils Spam Software Bill Gates came to Vegas touting new junk e-mail filtering technology called SmartScreen, which he described during his keynote address at the annual Comdex trade show. Uni virus writing course 'is madness' A PLAN to teach virus writing at university has come under severe criticism at a conference of the Association of anti-Virus Asia Researchers. Now in Their Sights, the Hubble's Demise NASA Officials, Outside Scientists Debating How -- and When -- the Historic Telescope Should Fall Moon Seen as Astronomical Outpost The barren Moon could become an astronomer's paradise, an ideal spot for telescopes and other devices to scope out the heavens as never before. Hoping to Avoid Contamination, Japan Attempts to Fix Mars Probe Japan's space agency, hoping to prevent its first interplanetary probe from crashing into Mars, is scrambling to fix an on-board glitch before the spacecraft reaches the planet next month, an agency official said Friday. NASA Brings Back Plans To Fly X-37 Demonstrator In Orbit for 270 Days NASA has revived plans to fly its X-37 experimental space plane in orbit for 270 days, a requirement that originally was set by the U.S. Air Force as a way to begin proving the feasibility of orbiting Earth with camera- and bomb-laden space planes for months at a time. Delta-Like Fan on Mars Suggests Ancient Rivers Were Persistent  A fan-shaped deposit imaged by NASA's Mars Global Surveyor provide evidence that some ancient rivers on Mars flowed for a long time, not just in brief, intense floods. NASA/JPL/MSSS image Newly seen details in a fan-shaped apron of debris on Mars may help settle a decades-long debate about whether the planet had long-lasting rivers instead of just brief, intense floods. Balloon Molecules - The Web Site Modelling balloons are known first of all as a toy or in form of balloon sculptures. But there are other possibilities….. On this web site we would like to show you how to use modelling balloons to build chemical molecules. Basically you only need balloons, a pump and some imagination. 'World Toilet Day' approaching AIM at the target and make sure the toilet seat is left gleaming -- that is the perfect remedy for a cleaner, happier world. Nazi plot to bomb Britain with peas SABOTEURS working for Nazi Germany plotted a World War II bombing campaign in Britain involving exploding cans of processed French peas, according to secret files recently made public. Swiss Army CyberTool 41 One please.  Come on, it's a Swiss Army Knife with Torx bits and a wire stripper! Remembering Apollo 12's First Steps Toward the Moon 
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Monday, November 17, 2003
When a man says he approves of something in principle, it means he hasn't the slightest intention of putting it into practice. -- Otto von Bismarck Mac Supercomputer Joins Elite Virginia Tech's "Big Mac" supercomputer is officially the world's third-fastest supercomputer. Sun's Linux desktop off to flying start Some say Sun Microsystems should give up on its Linux desktop ambitions, but there are serious signs of life that indicate the company may be on to a good thing, The Register has learned. Mars Images Suggest Persistent Rivers Past In a long-running debate over whether Mars ever had long-lasting rivers, the latest images supporting the "yes" side have been put forth. Extraterrestrial Resources: 'Living off the Land' Outer space has an endless supply of resources. Within rocket's reach there are light buckets full of intense solar energy, at least out to Mars. Then there are valuable materials on the Moon, as well as on Mars and its moons. Near Earth asteroids offer yet another mother lode of minerals. Cargo-Only Shuttle Still Possible in NASA's Future After building its new Orbital Space Plane (OSP) to ferry astronauts to Earth orbit and back, NASA very well may turn to its aging space shuttle fleet for continuing service as the nation's heavy-lifting, cargo-only launch vehicle. Cassini Snaps Best Jupiter Image Ever When the Cassini spacecraft finally gets to Saturn next year, it will have some big shoes to fill -- its own. The robotic probe has snapped what's being billed as the best picture ever of Jupiter. Damaged Japanese Spacecraft Might Contaminate Mars If It Hits Japan's leading national daily the Yomiuri Shimbun is reporting that the ill fated Nozomi explorer that is Japan's first Mars probe, is expect to crash into the red planet on Dec. 14 if it remains on its current course. Spacecraft to land on Mars on Christmas A British-built craft designed to scour the surface of Mars for signs of life is scheduled to land on the planet on Christmas Day, scientists said this week. Reveller gets stuck in air vent A PATRON ejected from a leagues club in Sydney's outer west this morning tried to sneak back in through an air vent and became trapped. Post office finds live gator in mail A 1.2 metre alligator chewed its way out of a shipping carton before a US postal worker tossed it into a hamper and called animal control officers. Bank robber - God made me do it AN armed robber who claimed he believed God authorised him to rob banks because they were evil yesterday lost his appeal for freedom.
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Saturday, November 15, 2003
Matrix 3 Review
Not my review - my bile is still brewing, but pinched from the V. Magic Inviso-Text on for those too slack to have seen it yet.VERY WELL THEN. Here are my thoughts.
The entire fight scene with the APUs and the Sentinels was the finest piece of Robotic Cinema ever committed to film, and I mean ever. Without a doubt. HOWEVER. I have two problems with it. ONE, I have a revolutionary new design in mind for the APUs where they feature some armour over the pilot - it might be pretty helpful, seeing as even when you get totally fucking swarmed by Sentinels, all that really happens is that you get a bit cut up. FURTHERMORE, these new APU designs would also be pretty damned effective against the Sentinels, seeing as the Sentinels' only tactic is to put themselves voluntarily into a massive bottleneck by flying only in a straight line in a massive group. SPLIT UP, ROBO-FUCKTARDS!
The bit where hojillions of Sentinels swarm the command tower was erotic. I wanted that to be THE END.
I like how MEN ride the APUs and GIRLS wander around with crap bazookas entirely on their own with no support of any kind whatsoever, no radio contact, and basically no hope of survival, even though it'd make more sense the other way around.
Why is Oz Wheelchair Guy's girlfriend even given the fucking OPTION of not taking part in the battle? This implies to me that there are two options - make shells, or hide in the stupid rave place. Hello, Zion dudes, it's your fucking last stand, you could really do with being a bit more forceful about people's options at this point. GET THEM WORKING!!!
I'm sure there must be a better way of reloading a giant robot than having some dude with a wheelbarrow carry up a box of bullets. Since the APUs are more or less stationary, why not just build gun emplacements?
Why did they bother with the fight at the dock when they could have used one EMP and sacrificed the dock that they were blatantly going to lose regardless?
Why was Commander Mardyarse such a killjoy? YOU WERE GOING TO LOSE THE DOCK REGARDLESS!!! In fact, you had absolutely NO HOPE whatsoever excepting a bit of last-minute heroism from Neo, so I don't know what you were so pissy about.
The APU fight was the only decent fight scene, and I'll fucking tell you why. It was the only one that fucking mattered, and that counts for the last film as well. It was the only one where there are clear objectives for both sides and the actions of both sides actually matter at all. In every fight scene in the Martix, people are just showing off their Super Kung Fu for absolutely no reason, and how well they perform doesn't really bear much relation to the final outcome of the fight.
FUCK OFF, annoying family of ethnically diverse 'programs'.
COMPUTER PROGRAMS CANNOT FUCKING BREED!!! That is the stupidest idea in the whole trilogy. If I copy over half of a Windows CD with half of a Quake 3 Arena CD, I will - amazingly - not get a new operating system with fantastic new Rocket Launcher technology and the fascinating new WinAPI32 Cannon. IT WILL NOT WORK! I accept I'm being all miserable and nit-picky, but the whole concept of intelligent programs knocking around is FUCKING STUPID. In Everquest, is there an NPC wandering around whom if you kill, the sky stops working? NO!!! On that note, what happens if someone shoots the little girl that controls sunsets? Are there no more sunsets?
I like how The Oracle had to make the massive and unbearable sacrifice of losing her identity as Miscellaneous Old Woman and being forced to become - the horror - Miscellaneous Old Woman 2.
Wachowskis, you are fucking idiots. Don't make a trilogy of gunplay, kung fu and the battle between robots and humans, and then make me look at a boring old woman for minutes on end. Similarly, I hate to break this to you, but when Trinity has three massive bits of metal through her, she should die - oo, INSTANTLY, and not after what felt like about half an hour of interminable "Just one last kiss, my darling!".
EVEN THOUGH the big robot battle is the only fight that felt like it mattered, it's actually the least important, because if Neo had gotten to the Machine Land about an hour or so earlier, it would have been completely unnecessary. GET A FUCKING MOVE ON, NEO.
Maybe Trinity wouldn't have had to die if you hadn't crashed your ship into the mainframe like a fucking idiot.
Every time a bit of machinery moved, I was hopeful that it was a new kind of robot. And every so often - IT WAS! Splendid.
I loved the club - Bellucci wears amazing clothes showing off her amazing breasts, and people basically stand around having their nipples twisted listening to EVIL music dressed in the clothes of EVIL and - most tellingly - the DJs use CDs, not vinyl. EVIL! CLUB!
Annoying Kid Who's Not Yet 18 can fuck right off. Furthermore, why are they so fucking picky about people being part of their army when they're TOTALLY FUCKED!
In the big battle, there was a lot of bits where in one shot, there was A LEGION OF SENTINELS, A FUCKING MASSIVE CLOUD OF THEM, and then in the next shot three APUs have gunned them all down. Whoa there, Wachowskis. Where did they all keep going?
Was that Bruce Spence as the Trainman? Splendid.
Where was the Annoying Family Of Programs being smuggled to, exactly? I lost track as my Bollocks Protection Circuits kicked in.
Why was Trinity so amazed by the sight of the sun and the sky when she's been in the Martix? Has she never looked up?
HERE'S my biggest problem. Ok, this has happened 6 times before, right? There have been six Neos and six Agent Smiths. Now, has Agent Smith had the ability to duplicate himself before? Because if he has, then how the fuck did the machines take care of him last time? And if he hasn't, why didn't someone notice and panic this time round - why didn't the Architect say something in the big meeting scene that made me want to shit razorblades?
Ok, the big scene of the last film is the Architect talking shite for a while, and we're told that what he's saying is VITALLY IMPORTANT. How's that dealt with in M3 - "Oh, he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about, forget all that". Good writing, Wachowskis.
Why are so many scenes resolved by "Oo, because we say so."? Trainman can hit Neo! Why? Oo, because we say so. Neo is in weird limboland at the start of the film! Why? Oo, because we say so.
My mind now contains a new cut of Superman 2 where the fight between Zod and Superman is replaced with the one between Smith and Neo.
Similarly, yes, Weaving IS Bates, and we just saw the big meeting of Bates and Moran at the end of MiracleMan #1. (Not #15. That's a totally different fight scene and is nothing like the one in the Martix).
I liked the Shouty Maori Man and his collossal robot death machine.
Fuck, the Wachoskis really never met a cliche they didn't like, did they?
Friday, November 14, 2003
A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,
HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY; FIX THE LIGHT, NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!
THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.
TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.
FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK.
I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS, HE SAYS. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT.
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?
SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO.......DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!
HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.
HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY; FIX THE LIGHT, NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!
THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT.
TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.
FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK.
I'M NOT A DAMN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS, HE SAYS. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT.
AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.
HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.
HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?
SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO.......DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!
The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything. -- Walter Bagehot Powerful Plastic Memory Device On the Cheap  As computers become ever more entrenched in daily life, archival techniques have shifted from preserving physical specimens to saving digital data. Researchers are constantly on the lookout for inexpensive, quick and efficient methods for storing the increasing expanse of data society produces. To that end, research published today in the journal Nature could help. Scientists report that a one-cubic-centimeter memory block based on a combination of silicon films and a cheap plastic polymer could store an entire gigabyte of information. Linux news will shake Microsoft Recent shifts at Red Hat, Novell will give them more edge on software giant. MS: Don't Force Us to Be Lousy Microsoft said it would be forced to offer European consumers a substandard version of Windows if the European Union makes it rewrite its operating system, sources close to the case said on Thursday. Laying Down the Virtual Law You're a dwarf in a virtual world, and that troll over there has just defamed you in front of everyone. So can you sue, or is it all just fun and games? I, Cringely The First Time is Free:Microsoft's Peculiar Profit Obsession, .NET, and What It All Really Means I have written a few Microsoft conspiracy theory columns in my day, but a great one came in this week from reader Andy Hopper who seems to think that Microsoft is lately trying to emulate Apple Computer and might actually buid its own PCs. I hardly think so, but Andy gives us something to chew on, and the ideas that spill from what Andy ISN'T saying tell us a lot about where Microsoft is really heading. Radar data evaporate Moon's ice sheets The thick ice sheets many astronomers thought were hidden in some of the Moon's craters almost certainly do not exist, according to observations from the world's biggest radar. Single speaker unit creates surround sound A home theatre system that produces surround sound using a single speaker unit has been unveiled by a US company. Travolta parks jet at home JOHN Travolta has found a way to get home faster than greased lightning - by parking his Qantas jet just metres from his back door.  Skydiver jumps 534 times in a day A 47-year-old man jumped out of a plane 534 times in 24 hours in hopes of landing a new world record.  
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Thursday, November 13, 2003
Unplugging The Matrix - Why the sci-fi franchise went south. By Matt Feeney: "The Wachowski brothers, moved by some inscrutable nerd-muse, apparently decided that the one glaring flaw of the original Matrix, besides the whole superfluous Matrix thing, was that it didn't feel enough like Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan."
A very good article to read. My own thoughts on the two Matrix sequels are still being formulated into a coherent manner which doesn't resort to screams of "Why God Why? You Bastards!" More later.
A very good article to read. My own thoughts on the two Matrix sequels are still being formulated into a coherent manner which doesn't resort to screams of "Why God Why? You Bastards!" More later.
Tell Your Story Walking Pal
You know, I get really sick and tired of stories like this. Hey, guess what Jakarta - if you don't want Australia to keep sending the so-called refugees back to you, stop letting them use your country as a base from which they attempt to illegally enter our country.The United Nations definition of a refugee is
A refugee is a person who has been forced to leave his/her homeland and is unable to return because she or he has experienced persecution or has a well- founded fear of persecution. Persecution can be related to race, nationality, religion, political opinions, or membership in a particular social groupI'm sorry, but do people who can calmly hop on a passenger jet to travel from Turkey to Indonesia really qualify under this definition? Perhaps not.
Thoughts for Today
by Dave Williams of Cooroy Computers
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Final thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the heck out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
by Dave Williams of Cooroy Computers
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Final thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the heck out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself. -- Jane Wagner China Outlines 4 Scientific Goals For Moon Project Chang'e I, China's moon probing project is proceeding in full swing in a well-organized way. China's first moon probing is planned to be launched in three years. Four scientific goals have been set for the first stage of the program, Chang'e I moon orbiting project. GameSpy Sends DMCA-Based C&D To Security Researcher Luigi Auriemma has found several security holes GameSpy software over the past few months. He has reported them all to GameSpy but never got a response... until today, when he got a threatening letter from their lawyers. It says he's violating the DMCA, he needs to cease-and-desist, yadda yadda yadda. Steadicopter's prototype pilotless helicopter stolen The helicopter was stolen a few days after the completion of its test program and final test flights Hot Wheel  Optus confirms home ADSL OPTUS has announced it will soon begin offering ADSL to residential customers, after finalising negotiations to use Telstra's infrastructure. Water on the Moon? Scientists Await Definitive Answer The latest effort by science to answer whether there's ice on the moon has come up empty. There's no sign of a lunar skating rink in the mysterious polar craters -- or even a big slab of ice. Lunar poles are as dry as dust: study Any lingering hopes that the Moon may contain hidden deposits of ice at its poles have been dashed by a study using ground-penetrating radar, which shows that even at its extremities, Earth's satellite seems waterless. "Linux is great" says Microsoft Microsoft has admitted it has a soft spot for Linux – but it thinks open source users don’t share the same enthusiasm. Star Trek Actor Returns to WWII Internment Camp A cypress root harvested from an Arkansas swamp 60 years ago is one of the few mementoes Star Trek actor George Takei has from his childhood at a World War II internment camp. Veteran Skylab Astronauts Trade Notes with ISS Crew Some of America's first astronauts to work aboard an orbiting space station took time Monday to compare notes with the Expedition Eight crew now living at the International Space Station (ISS). U.S. and Russia View Space Station Safety Differently It was just four high-energy batteries, the kind that are found in a lot of military equipment such as walkie-talkie sets and night vision equipment. Similar batteries already were being used on the International Space Station. Egypt bans Carrey film EGYPTIAN authorities have banned the Jim Carrey film Bruce Almighty, saying the comedy infringes on God's sacredness. Gold nugget unearthed A 158-OUNCE gold nugget has been found by a prospector in Victoria's central goldfields north of Maryborough. Cup mistake nets punter $2.6m A MYSTERY punter walked away with a cool $2.6 million dollars after a TAB operator incorrectly entered his trifecta bet on the Melbourne Cup. Opera singer moons his audience Prosecutors today asked a Rio judge to postpone a hearing on whether or not Thomas would face indecent exposure charges for mooning the audience following an opera performance in August. Kangaroos run riot near Paris IT does not resemble any desert plain in outback Australia, but around 50 kangaroos which escaped a French animal park 30 years ago are happily living wild in a forest west of Paris. The SCO situation got a whole lot stupider SCO, IBM battle heats up SCO said Wednesday that it has filed subpoenas with the U.S. District Court in Utah, targeting six different individuals or organizations. Those include Novell; Linus Torvalds, creator of the Linux kernel; Richard Stallman of the Free Software Foundation; Stewart Cohen, chief executive of the Open Source Development Labs; and John Horsley, general counsel of Transmeta. So what now? Linux Torvalds is responsible for IBM's alleged leaking of source code from SCO UNIX to Linux? IBM Subpoenas SCO Investors, Analysts NEW YORK - The legal battle between SCO Group and IBM is widening, as IBM has sent subpoenas to investors and analysts who have supported SCO.
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Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Kim du Toit - The Pussification Of The Western Male - don't know if I necessarily agree with what he's saying, but it sure makes an interesting read.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery ebay SpaceDev Satellite Mission Have you ever thought about having your own space mission? Do you have a payload that you would like to put in orbit around the Earth? Need a holiday gift for the person who has everything? Have you ever wondered what it would be like to explore space with your own spacecraft? Now, you can, thanks to SpaceDev. Sand Dunes on Mars Reach Dizzying Heights Ripples of sand sculpted by wind on the Martian surface soar higher than their terrestrial counterparts in relation to the distance between each one, a new study shows. Novel Semiconductor Could Soup Up Solar Cells In recent weeks, some of the most powerful solar flares ever witnessed have sent electrically charged gas shooting toward the earth in so-called coronal mass ejections. But even without such impressive displays, the sun provides a wealth of energy to our planet. Unfortunately, efforts to mass produce solar cells to harness energy from Sol have stalled at efficiencies of around 30 percent in the laboratory and less than 20 percent in commercial cells. A novel crystal described in a paper set to be published in the journal Physical Review Letters may change that, however. Scientists report that the semiconductor material could form the basis of solar cells with nearly 50 percent efficiency. Hackers: We Cracked N-Gage Code Hackers claimed Tuesday to have cracked the security code on Nokia's new N-Gage, saying they could play its games on other multimedia-capable cell phones. The company said it was investigating the claims. IBM To Launch Comprehensive Linux Desktop Support Program Next Year IBM Global Services is moving ahead with a global support program for the Linux desktop due to be available within one year. Microsoft prepares security assault on Linux Microsoft Corp. is preparing a major PR assault over Windows' perceived security failings in which it will criticize Linux for taking too long to fix bugs. Red Hat users balk at Enterprise Linux licensing Linux may be a free operating system, but the days of free copying may be numbered for Red Hat Inc. customers who, as of this spring, will no longer be able to receive support from Red Hat without purchasing a support license for every version of Red Hat's server software that they run. Porn Mag Sales Going Limp Penthouse went, now more follow. After 35 years in the business of titillating and offending, pornographer Al Goldstein says his magazine can't compete anymore. The audience is just as large, he says, but the Internet has transformed the product and its delivery. Husband locked in bathroom for 3yrs A TURKISH woman locked her rich industrialist husband naked in the bathroom for three years claiming he was mentally disturbed, press reports said overnight after the man was released. Speeding rally drivers banned FOUR the world's top rally drivers have been banned from driving by a Welsh court today after being caught speeding during the British leg of the world championships last year. Women for auction on Internet SIX German women in their mid-30s who promise to add sparkle to even the dullest party have sold themselves in an internet auction for just over 25,000 euros ($40,700). Police use paint balls to nab crooks POLICE in the Vietnamese capital have a new gun in their holsters and it's got a colorful bang. They've armed themselves with paintball guns to brand and track robbers and illegal motorbike racers. One hell of a view Skylab's 30th Anniversary Remembered by NASA   
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Bewildering slogans
Now, some slogans for advertisements are witty, apt and memorable. Mainland Cheese's 'Your frund in the frudge', for example, brings home that cheese can be a handy food item to keep, that it should be stored in the fridge, and that the makers are from New Zealand, and best of all, does not provoke me to a homicidal rage. These are all signs of a good advertising slogan. (I'm talking about the quality of the slogan - I can't speak for the quality of their cheese.)
Then there are slogans that are bad - the one that springs to mind is the brand of sanitary pads called 'U' which had the imaginitive slogan 'I need U'. This failed on several counts - it tried to tell me I needed the product, when, by virtue of being male, I don't. It would also be accompanied by images of funky young women all enjoying themselves, without actually showing footage of them menstruating, which would have been honest, at least. It would provoke me to homicidal rage by playing their little teaser ad (A five-second grab with a winking eye over a U and a 'ready, girls?') FIVE FUCKING TIMES AN AD BREAK during the Simpsons. And what *really* pissed me off, once I found out what they actually were, is my refusal to buy the product would mean absolutely *nothing* to the manufacturers. Not that I go around buying feminine hygiene products where I *like* the ads (not that I can think of any offhand), but being totally out of the target demographic, I could derive no pleasure from knowing that I would not be giving the company any money.
But then, there are the slogans that just provoke a 'huh'? The ones that cause one to tilt one's head to one side, furrow one's brow, and try to figure out just what the fuck the advertiser was thinking. 'Deoderises while it fragrances' was one such slogan for some air-freshener, which always had me thinking, "They totally verbed fragrance, there. They weirded it completely."
But then, last night, in the train, I saw a poster for the Brisbane Broncos (that's a rugby league team, for those who don't know) and got struck by just how piss-poor their 2004 season slogan actually is. For those who can't (be bothered to) follow the link, I'll repeat the slogan here - "Season 2004 is FEELING MIGHTY REAL".
That's good. I'd hate to think I'd go to a rugby league game only to find the players are just pretending. Instead of seeing blokes stop each other from moving a rubber-replica pigskin to one end of the field, I'd see a bunch of guys squabbling over who actually had the ball, and whether one was running faster than the other. Add some goths and some paper, scissors, rock, and I'd be paying good money to watch a Vampire LARP.
And how embarrassing would it be for a real rugby team to play against a pretend rugby team? Would there only be one team on the field? Would the pretend team just yell out things like 'tackle!' and 'kick for touch'? Would the real team have to start pretending as well?
Or maybe it was just the season that was going to be pretend. Maybe it was going to devolve into WWF-style scripting with teams trash-talking each other and stealing each other's girlfriends until it's all settled... IN THE FIELD!
Though come to think of it, if it meant Bill Harrigan got thrown through a table on national TV, maybe it'd be worth it.
Whatever it was, isn't it great the Broncos can reassure us that they, at least, will be keepin' it real? They from the streets, G, and be kickin' it to touch 4 eva. Word.
Note to any advertisers that stumble across this - advertising slogans that make a middle-class white Australian guy lapse into some mutilation of African-American street-slang are MONSTROSITIES. If any of your colleagues propose such a slogan, SHOOT THEM IMMEDIATELY. And BURN THE CORPSES. If you, yourself, are considering such a slogan, REMOVE YOUR GENITALS AND CHOKE YOURSELF TO DEATH WITH THEM IMMEDIATELY. I tell you this only for your own protection.
That is all.
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