Congratulations! You're Merry!
Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
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Redneck Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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Saturday, January 31, 2004
Adam, I never knew you were in the U.S. Army!
Under the pseudonym of 'Specialist Schwartz', no less. The rest of you, you can read an article about it here.
Friday, January 30, 2004
Heh
Congratulations! You're Gandalf!
Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
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Nihilist Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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Congratulations! You're Merry!
Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?
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Thursday, January 29, 2004
Wednesday, January 28, 2004
When Things Don't Go The Way You Expect
Well, with the storm that came through the phones were running hot tonight. In the midst of people yelling "Help! There's a tree in my house!" "Help, someone's been struck by lightning" (I didn't get that call, but it came in) and so forth, we got a call from a Dickhead.
This Dickhead had stolen a mobile phone. This Dickhead had decided it'd be funny to dial 000 a lot on this stolen phone. This Dickhead obviously didn't realise we would recognise the phone's registered address. (I've come up with an analogy for why making unnecessary 000 calls is uncool - it's like going into the casualty department of a hospital and taking a dump right in the middle of the floor. You're just diverting attention away from people who actually need it, and it's really not that funny). So I get a call from this phone. Someone's wheezing out "Help me."
I ask him where he is. Same again. I point out that unless he tells me where he is, then there's no way any help can get to him. (At this stage, I'm still entertaining the possibility that maybe the Dickhead has actually gotten into life-threatening trouble. Admittedly, I'm tying it to a couch and forcing it to watch Independence Day, but I am.) Then he wheezes out something like "kill you".
"You're going to kill me?"
"I'm going to kill you."
"I don't think so." *click*
I didn't make a big song and dance, I just let my contempt for sub-toilet-seat mold like him seep through into my voice, and hung up. Maybe he was expecting me to scream, or get afraid, or something. But I had real calls banking up like you wouldn't believe, and he completely failed to make me scared.
So, Dickhead, if you're reading this (which you aren't, because you don't have a fucking clue who I am, which makes your threats even more laughable) - go choke on your own shit. You'd be doing the entire world a favour. If you killed yourself in an amusing way, you'd do more to better this planet than your mother ever did by shitting you out.
Ah, I feel so cleansed.
The things we miss when we're at work
AKA Missed it by that much.
Got home today (allmost) to find cops directing traffic around, well preaty much, MY HOUSE. The reason...... Well that storm we had took down a tree which fell across the road the top of which now rests in my neighbors yard, the power and cable lines however are in my front yard as well as theirs. For those who know my place this is (thankfully) NOT the Gum tree (thats the one Energex feel will go soon, and would clobber my bedroom) its the bushy one just down from it. Oh and I'm on underground power (as is the house either side, and though the optus lines are in the front yard, I'm still attached to them)
Photos will be blogged when they're developed.
AKA Missed it by that much.
Got home today (allmost) to find cops directing traffic around, well preaty much, MY HOUSE. The reason...... Well that storm we had took down a tree which fell across the road the top of which now rests in my neighbors yard, the power and cable lines however are in my front yard as well as theirs. For those who know my place this is (thankfully) NOT the Gum tree (thats the one Energex feel will go soon, and would clobber my bedroom) its the bushy one just down from it. Oh and I'm on underground power (as is the house either side, and though the optus lines are in the front yard, I'm still attached to them)
Photos will be blogged when they're developed.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
Monday, January 26, 2004
Driving
Nothing is more frustrating than driving along a highway at night, when the speed limit is 100 km/h, and you get stuck behind some twit doing 70.....It gets even more frustrating when there is no overtaking lane to get past the bastard. And look buddy, it doesn't matter how far over to the left you get, if it's a double lane on the centre line, I can't legally pass you...
Saturday, January 24, 2004
Friday, January 23, 2004
Sunday Gaming
It would appear we are going for gaming on Sunday afternoon. The votes that I've come across so far are Warhammer and D&D. As far as D&D goes, I figure the best way to get around Lance's character not being there is to reboot. (Characters tying their stories together - GOOD. One player in that tied group leaving for CHINA after two sessions of game - BAD.)
Now, James has expresses a preference for not running a game (and watch on in frustration as we merrily stomp around everywhere except the plot). And rebooting D&D would be a case of making up new characters (or just throwing the old ones in as if the first adventure hadn't happened). But since Wizards of the Coast decided to make more money, there's now the whole 3.5 issue to consider. Now, if you're voting for Warhammer, be advised that I'm about to launch on a big ramble about what I'm looking at with D&D. If you want to think about what sort of character you want to play, let me know by Sunday in case the vote's not carried...
Considering 3.5 was made much more spectacularly easy by Wizards releasing the 3.5 ruleset for free download here. So I've been going through the rules a bit. For those who may already have their own copies of 3.0, a nifty document may be found here. I probably won't be implementing all changes, but so far as a general rule I will be. (Bards, rangers and barbarians are definitely 3.5).
I'm probably going to stick with the same general kind of world (recent civil war, same weirdness with deities and stuff). As a result, clerics are significantly different - I'm dropping the domain thing and allowing them to spontaneously cast any spell - in fact, the whole level restrictions and things are merely guidelines, as they're actually requesting miracles from their deity. Who are somewhat impersonal, so yes, it's quite possible they'll leave you high and dry if you get into the wrong situation. In other words, clerics can spontaneously cast all their spells, but it's subject to deity's approval...
Similarly, sorcerors do not need material components unless I insist upon components for a certain spell - case-by-case there. Bards have to have an instrument as a spell focus for nearly all their spells (the 3.5 0-level spell 'summon instrument' is an exception). The 'bardic music' ability has to be channeled through an instrument to begin with, but can be maintained with singing (if the bard has enough ranks in Perform:singing). (No singing-only bards, see?) Since I'm not using stated alignments, paladins have to give me a code of behaviour that is at least as restrictive as being 'lawful good' - I might consider 'has to murder an innocent person every week' as such a code, for example (though I probably wouldn't allow a player to take it - you're supposed to at least be sympathetic characters, not fucking serial killers). I'm still undecided on how paladin spells should go - whether they're actual divine spells, like drudic rituals, or minor miracles like revised cleric spells.
That being said, I can't really come up with a scenario unless I have some clue of what kinds of people are going to be involved - so if you're wanting D&D, let me know what interests you. And soon. Cheers!
Another option is to use the early part of the session to make D&D characters then get on to aggravating James. :)
Metal Fatigue
So there I was, sitting in the chair my brother left behind when he went overseas. I call it the 'Ah, Mr. Bond' chair as it's black leather (well, leather substitute), you can lean back in it somewhat and spin around in it. I haven't tried stroking a white cat while sitting in it yet as there haven't been any cats available - and let's face it, once a cat gets loose in my room there'll be no finding it again.
Anyway. I was sitting there, when *pop* the left armrest gives way. "Crap," I think in my sage way, "Something's broken!" So I look down, and see that there's a screw protruding from the armrest, about in the area there's suddenly no support from. "Oh," I think, "it must have come out somehow."
Well, I was right, but the 'somehow' involved it snapping itself in half, leaving a bunch still screwed in the corresponding socket. "Nothing else for it," I though, "Won't be able to reattach it there without some serious technical know-how, so I'll just remove it."
So I start to remove the armrest. As I discovered, however, this is one of those chairs where the solid plastic armrests actually attach the back to the base of the seat. I discover this with just about all the screws completely out, so then I have to deal with the back of the seat flapping about. So I reattach it, tighten all the remaining screws, and, well, despite the snapped screw it's now as solid as it ever was.
Does this mean the moral of the story is if something snaps while screwing screw a bit harder and it'll be solid again? Or maybe it's like the Matrix sequels where the moral... no, wait. It can't be like the Matrix sequels. There's some kind of story attached. Whatever, then.
Got this in email, funny
Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a
large gas bill, a spokesman for NorthWest Gas said "We agree
it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr
Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the
explosion that destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)
Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a
whole salami in her knickers. When asked why, she said it
was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.
(The Manchester Evenings News)
Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen
van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a special
branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what
it looks like. (The Guardian)
After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30-year-old
Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to
"Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist *******s". The bank has now
asked him to close his account, and Mr *******s has asked
them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out in his
new name.
(The Guardian)
A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable
teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A
coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all
too common". (The Times)
At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a
coastguard on the spot and asked him to estimate the wind
speed. He replied that he was sorry, but he didn't have a
gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown
his Land Rover off the cliff.
(Aberdeen Evening Express)
Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the
audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of
war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was
repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always
seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up
in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out
"Heil Hitler".
(Bournemouth Evening Echo)
THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2002:
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash
Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a
large gas bill, a spokesman for NorthWest Gas said "We agree
it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr
Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the
explosion that destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)
Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a
whole salami in her knickers. When asked why, she said it
was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.
(The Manchester Evenings News)
Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen
van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a special
branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what
it looks like. (The Guardian)
After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30-year-old
Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to
"Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist *******s". The bank has now
asked him to close his account, and Mr *******s has asked
them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out in his
new name.
(The Guardian)
A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable
teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A
coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all
too common". (The Times)
At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a
coastguard on the spot and asked him to estimate the wind
speed. He replied that he was sorry, but he didn't have a
gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown
his Land Rover off the cliff.
(Aberdeen Evening Express)
Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the
audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of
war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was
repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always
seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up
in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out
"Heil Hitler".
(Bournemouth Evening Echo)
THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2002:
Crack Found on Governor's Daughter
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash
Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom
Just finished reading a surprisingly enjoyable short sci-fi novel by first-time author Cory Doctorow called Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom. Surprising, not just because it was a really good read, but also because the author is giving the book away for free in electronic format, in an effort to promote himself. You can download this from here in a variety of electronic formats.
It's a book set in the relatively near future of Earth, in which a utopian society called the Bitchin society has spread around the world. Various technological advances have occurred - such as cloning, which have effectively eliminated old age and disease. People have the ability to 'upload' their minds as backup copies, so that if ever their bodies are damaged due to their lifestyle, all it takes is a a bit of their DNA to clone a body and their memory can be restored from the backup.
The most interesting part, to my mind at least, is the way in which virtually everybody is hardwired into the future equivalent of the internet. People can pull up screens that appear in heir vision with all sorts of information, and can communicate with other people subvocally via either the equivalent of IM or voice communication.
Another major change to this society is the removal of money. In its place is a new thing - whuffle. It seems to be a weird extrapolation of an on-line popularity contest. Rather than money determining you ability to buy and do things, whuffle is used instead. It seems be calculated by adding up other peoples opinions of you and their thoughts on the value of your contribution to society. It's a bit (alot) more complicated than that, but that's the best I can describe it off the top of my head.
It's a book which is in someways a refreshing throwback to the old-style science fiction authors such as Heinlen and Clarke, in which you have an authors prediction of the future evolution of society based upon trends and developments of today. It's always been one of the greatest strengths of the science fiction genre, and something which hasn't really been used to that great an extent by modern sci-fi writers.
Cute nods from the author include one of the parades that anyone who's ever been to a Disney-(insert locale here) theme park are major events, is the Snowcrash parade, with plenty of cavorting Hero Protagonists flitting about the parade.
Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom is a thoroughly enjoyable read from a fresh voice in science fiction. It's a style of storytelling which harkens back to the early days of modern science fiction.
It's a book set in the relatively near future of Earth, in which a utopian society called the Bitchin society has spread around the world. Various technological advances have occurred - such as cloning, which have effectively eliminated old age and disease. People have the ability to 'upload' their minds as backup copies, so that if ever their bodies are damaged due to their lifestyle, all it takes is a a bit of their DNA to clone a body and their memory can be restored from the backup.
The most interesting part, to my mind at least, is the way in which virtually everybody is hardwired into the future equivalent of the internet. People can pull up screens that appear in heir vision with all sorts of information, and can communicate with other people subvocally via either the equivalent of IM or voice communication.
Another major change to this society is the removal of money. In its place is a new thing - whuffle. It seems to be a weird extrapolation of an on-line popularity contest. Rather than money determining you ability to buy and do things, whuffle is used instead. It seems be calculated by adding up other peoples opinions of you and their thoughts on the value of your contribution to society. It's a bit (alot) more complicated than that, but that's the best I can describe it off the top of my head.
It's a book which is in someways a refreshing throwback to the old-style science fiction authors such as Heinlen and Clarke, in which you have an authors prediction of the future evolution of society based upon trends and developments of today. It's always been one of the greatest strengths of the science fiction genre, and something which hasn't really been used to that great an extent by modern sci-fi writers.
Cute nods from the author include one of the parades that anyone who's ever been to a Disney-(insert locale here) theme park are major events, is the Snowcrash parade, with plenty of cavorting Hero Protagonists flitting about the parade.
Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom is a thoroughly enjoyable read from a fresh voice in science fiction. It's a style of storytelling which harkens back to the early days of modern science fiction.
I am a......
'Sadistic Bastard' PLEASE VOTE!!!
What Type of Lunatic are You?
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'Sadistic Bastard' PLEASE VOTE!!!
What Type of Lunatic are You?
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Who the hell wrote this thing, anyway?
'Normal' PLEASE VOTE!!!
What Type of Lunatic are You?
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'Normal' PLEASE VOTE!!!
What Type of Lunatic are You?
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I'm really not beginning to like the reults of these 'tests'
'Fudged in the Head' PLEASE VOTE!!!
What Type of Lunatic are You?
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'Fudged in the Head' PLEASE VOTE!!!
What Type of Lunatic are You?
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Thursday, January 22, 2004
This Should Prove Interesting...
'Complete Psycho' PLEASE VOTE!!!
What Type of Lunatic are You?
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I received this via email
WE ARE ONE
We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional
wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from
New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we
reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We
are One Nation but divided into many States.
First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in
lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte,
grand final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose
chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they
think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.
Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar,
thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital
Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of
it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their
cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.
Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family
that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra
chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest
faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the
Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.
South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of
foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where
else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in
Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the
Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One
drivers to sleep at the wheel.
Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main
claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it di d,
all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was
the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work
there in the government and business.
The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains,
sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru,
and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption
of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium
content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of
our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to
flyover it on our way to Bali.
And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a
document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting
that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect
the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.
Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better.
We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists
and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our
lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in
joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is
better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a
political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes
and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we're
whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.
We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right
mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem
(so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We
love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a
sailing race and still tell us who's winning.
And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like
cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AF L, roo shooting, two up and
horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the
worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a
pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in
Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or
cameras but chain the pens to the desk.
Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and
pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded,
sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.
I am, you are, we are Australian!
P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National
Crest!!!! No other country has this distinction!
HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY - January 26, 2004.
WE ARE ONE
We are the people of a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional
wanker. We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from
New Zealand), and although we live in the best country in the world, we
reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like. We
are One Nation but divided into many States.
First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in
lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte,
grand final day, and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose
chief marketing pitch is that "it's liveable". At least that's what they
think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.
Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar,
thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital
Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world and is proud of
it. Its mascots are Bondi lifesavers that pull their Speedos up their
cracks to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.
Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family
that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra
chromosome at conception. Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest
faces. It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the
Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.
South Australia is the province of half-decent reds, a festival of
foreigners and bizarre axe murders. SA is the state of innovation. Where
else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in
Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen). They had the
Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One
drivers to sleep at the wheel.
Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant. It's main
claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it di d,
all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work. WA was
the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work
there in the government and business.
The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains,
sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru,
and dusty kids with big smiles. It also has the highest beer consumption
of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium
content of anywhere too. Although the Territory is the centrepiece of
our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to
flyover it on our way to Bali.
And there's Queensland. While any mention of God seems silly in a
document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting
that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect
the next. Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.
Oh yes and there's Canberra. The less said the better.
We, the citizens of Oz, are united by Highways, whose treacherous twists
and turns kill more of us each year than murderers. We are united in our
lust for international recognition, so desperate for praise we leap in
joy when a rag tag gaggle of corrupt IOC officials tells us Sydney is
better than Beijing. We are united by a democracy so flawed that a
political party albeit a redneck gun toting one, can get a million votes
and still not win one seat in Federal Parliament. Not that we're
whingeing, we leave that to our Pommy immigrants.
We want to make "no worries mate" our national phrase, "she'll be right
mate" our national attitude and "Waltzing Matilda" our national anthem
(so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide). We
love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a
sailing race and still tell us who's winning.
And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like
cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AF L, roo shooting, two up and
horse racing. We also have the biggest rock, the tastiest pies, and the
worst dressed Olympians in the known universe. Only in Australia can a
pizza delivery get to your house faster than an ambulance. Only in
Australia do we have bank doors wide open, no security guards, or
cameras but chain the pens to the desk.
Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote. We are girt by sea and
pissed by lunchtime. Even though we might seem a racist, closed minded,
sports obsessed little people, at least we feel better for it.
I am, you are, we are Australian!
P.S We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National
Crest!!!! No other country has this distinction!
HAPPY AUSTRALIA DAY - January 26, 2004.
Wednesday, January 21, 2004
Chandler
"There are blondes and there are blondes and it is almost a joke word nowadays. All blondes have their points, except perhaps the metallic ones who are as blond as a Zulu under the bleach and as to disposition as soft as a sidewalk. There is the small cute blonde who cheeps and twitters, and the big statuesque blonde who straight-arms you with an ice-blue glare. There is the blonde who gives you the up-from-under look and smells lovely and shimmers and hangs on your arm and is always very very tired when you take her home. She makes that helpless gesture and has that goddamned headache and you would like to slug her except you are glad you found out about the headache before you invested too much time and money and hope in her. Because the headache will always be there, a weapon that never wears out and is as deadly as the bravo's rapier or Lucrezia's poison vial.I love Raymond Chandler.
There is the soft and willing and alcoholic blonde who doesn't care what she wears as long as it is mink or where she goes as long as it is the Starlight Roof and there is plenty of dry champagne. There is the small perky blonde who is a little pal and wants to pay her own way and is full of sunshine and common sense and knows judo from the ground up and can toss a truck driver over her shoulder without missing more than one sentence out of the editorial in the Saturday Review. There is the pale, pale blonde with anemia of some non-fatal but incurable type. She is very languid and very sharowy and she speaks softly out of nowhere and you can't lay a finger on her because in the first place you don't want to, and in the second place she is reading The Waste Land or Dante in the original, or Kafka or Kierkegaard or studing Provencal. She adores music and when the New York Philharmonic is playing Hindemith she can tell you which one of the six bass viols came in a quarter of a beat too late. I hear Toscanini can also. That makes two of them.
And lastly there is the gorgeous show piece who will outlast three kingpin racketeers and then marry a couple of millionaires at a million a head and end up with a pale rose villa at Cap Antibes, an Alfa-Romeo town car complete with pilot and co-pilot, and a stable of shopworn aristocrats, all of whom she will treat with the affectionate absent-mindedness of an elderly duke saying goodnight to his butler. "
Tuesday, January 20, 2004
Monday, January 19, 2004
The Fix Is In
Ok prepare for a whole buncha results:
Hail me, you know you want to
The scary thing is on the nine question one I was Mother Tarissa....
My Personality...
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
and finaly, what movie am I.......
That is all.
END COMMUNICATION.
Ok prepare for a whole buncha results:
Hail me, you know you want to
The scary thing is on the nine question one I was Mother Tarissa....
My Personality...
Conscious self | Overall self |
 |  |
| Enneagram Test Results
Your Unconscious-Overall type is 5w4 |
and finaly, what movie am I.......
That is all.
END COMMUNICATION.
IT'S NOT A F@CKING SNAP POLL
I wish to god the Qld media would pull their collective fingers out of their arses and throw their bloody cliché book away. Anyone who has had even a ounce of political knowledge, knew that the Qld State Election was going to be held in February. The only people who were "caught unaware" were people who wouldn't have been prepared for a poll if it was announced for February 2005!Get over your pre-prepared shit and start reporting the facts dickheads.
It's no wonder journalists are now rated only second behind used car salesman as the most untrustworthy occupations....
Sunday, January 18, 2004
Hmmm...
I think i need a teast with wuestions that I find easier to answer.
Some of these results are a bit out...
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
I think i need a teast with wuestions that I find easier to answer.
Some of these results are a bit out...
Conscious self | Overall self |
 |  |
| Enneagram Test Results
Your Unconscious-Overall type is Omni |
Saturday, January 17, 2004
Woo-Wooo!!! Hollywood Trainwreck Coming Through
Latest publicity shot from the upcoming Catwoman movie.
What The F@ck Are They Thinking?????
Plot Outline: Shy and sensitive Patience Prince is transformed into Catwoman, with the speed, reflexes, and senses of a cat. Using her newfound powers she walks a thin line between criminal and hero, even as a detective doggedly pursues her, fascinated by both of her personas.
Friday, January 16, 2004
Music TV Musings
Having the chance to occasionally flick over the two most prominent music channels on pay tv (Channel V & MTV), a number of things have struck me.* Both channels have an uncanny knack of playing the same film clip with the space of minutes of each other.
* On the odd occasion that these channels do play anything close to resembling Metal (and no, LimpfuckingBizkit do not count as metal), seem to be the worst example of stereotypical growling, satan-worshiping, long-haired types...
* It may be cool and hip 5 years ago, but drag queens are not funny or funky. Their tired, sad act is rather dated not to mention bloody boring.
* I'm really tired of the multitude of same sounding, (because they've all got the same freaking producer) identical looking (because they all wear the same clothing, or have their own clothing line - why the fuck does every second "R&B" turd have their own freaking clothing line??? You're singers [and I use the term loosely], not fucking fashion designers) "R&B" (R&freakingB!!! Give me a break. None of these wankers would have heard of the likes of B.B. King - real bloody R&B - not this thump-thump-bling-bling shit) and Gangsta Rap-crap.
* And I know you wankers all love putting across the livin-in-da-hood/hard-arse gansta-pimp shit. But get this - real pimps don't wear that amount of diamonds and furs and top hats and gold canes. If they try to - they get shot, bashed and mugged you morons. It's not ironic, it's not satirical, it's fucking stupid. Grow up and get over your adolescent wanker power-trips.
* And while I'm on the subject of these turds, learn the meaning of solo act. If you're a single artist, duets are meant to be the exception, not the rule. If you've got a guest star on every freaking track (or more that 50% of the tracks on your album), it's a sign that you're not good enough to put out a solo album. You can't create enough material for yourself. If you've got that many guest starts, you're not a solo act - you're a band you moron.
* The channels have no problem sticking their shitty little logos on the screen the entire time (often pimping out whatever stupid competition they're running at that time). How hard would it be to stick up who the artist and song title is as well? Sure, they stick it at the start of the clip (and sometimes the end if we're lucky). But if I turn on halfway through a clip, I have no idea who or what is being performed. And that sucks.
* You're not phone companies - stop flogging ringtones & sms' and shit.
* Channel V at the moment is spending a hell of a lot of time cross-promoting the i-Pod with Apple. Sure - they're a funky bit of technology (wish I had one), but they're neglecting to mention one thing about these little devices - you're looking at a minimum outlay of over $500 for one of these suckers.
* MTV needs to get some more presenters. They seem to have the two twittering bimbo's, the transvestite and the dumb gay american. Get some variety you morons. Speaking of Americans, if this is an Australian channel - wtf are they doing with some no-name seppo as a presenter? Rack off back to Yankie-land and pollute your own airwaves. We're already suffering enough of your shit music without you as well.
* Has the British music industry (you know - the one which gave us the Beatles, the Stones, the Sex Pistols, etc) degenerated into such a pile of shit that it can only produce shit-house boy and girl-bands whose sole musical output of murdering covers of previously good songs?
* Speaking of the British music industry - the best thing it ever did for us was take the singing budgie off our hands. The worst thing its done is to let her continue to record. Still, at least it means every single talentless pop-tart tries to piss off to there to emulate her "success" (and hopefully save us from the audible abuse).
Thursday, January 15, 2004
Wednesday, January 14, 2004
Why You Should ALWAYS Run Ad-Aware After Installing Free Software
Here's the situation:
I decided to do some routine maintenance on my system. So I ran Ad-Aware (among other utilities) and cleaned out a large 50+ number of dodgy bits.
I then upgraded my copy of iMesh to the latest version.
Then I decided to run Adaware again. Here is what came up (bear in mind that nothing else had been installed in the interim)
Here's the situation:
I decided to do some routine maintenance on my system. So I ran Ad-Aware (among other utilities) and cleaned out a large 50+ number of dodgy bits.
I then upgraded my copy of iMesh to the latest version.
Then I decided to run Adaware again. Here is what came up (bear in mind that nothing else had been installed in the interim)
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