Music TV Musings

Having the chance to occasionally flick over the two most prominent music channels on pay tv (Channel V & MTV), a number of things have struck me.

* Both channels have an uncanny knack of playing the same film clip with the space of minutes of each other.

* On the odd occasion that these channels do play anything close to resembling Metal (and no, LimpfuckingBizkit do not count as metal), seem to be the worst example of stereotypical growling, satan-worshiping, long-haired types...

* It may be cool and hip 5 years ago, but drag queens are not funny or funky. Their tired, sad act is rather dated not to mention bloody boring.

* I'm really tired of the multitude of same sounding, (because they've all got the same freaking producer) identical looking (because they all wear the same clothing, or have their own clothing line - why the fuck does every second "R&B" turd have their own freaking clothing line??? You're singers [and I use the term loosely], not fucking fashion designers) "R&B" (R&freakingB!!! Give me a break. None of these wankers would have heard of the likes of B.B. King - real bloody R&B - not this thump-thump-bling-bling shit) and Gangsta Rap-crap.

* And I know you wankers all love putting across the livin-in-da-hood/hard-arse gansta-pimp shit. But get this - real pimps don't wear that amount of diamonds and furs and top hats and gold canes. If they try to - they get shot, bashed and mugged you morons. It's not ironic, it's not satirical, it's fucking stupid. Grow up and get over your adolescent wanker power-trips.

* And while I'm on the subject of these turds, learn the meaning of solo act. If you're a single artist, duets are meant to be the exception, not the rule. If you've got a guest star on every freaking track (or more that 50% of the tracks on your album), it's a sign that you're not good enough to put out a solo album. You can't create enough material for yourself. If you've got that many guest starts, you're not a solo act - you're a band you moron.

* The channels have no problem sticking their shitty little logos on the screen the entire time (often pimping out whatever stupid competition they're running at that time). How hard would it be to stick up who the artist and song title is as well? Sure, they stick it at the start of the clip (and sometimes the end if we're lucky). But if I turn on halfway through a clip, I have no idea who or what is being performed. And that sucks.

* You're not phone companies - stop flogging ringtones & sms' and shit.

* Channel V at the moment is spending a hell of a lot of time cross-promoting the i-Pod with Apple. Sure - they're a funky bit of technology (wish I had one), but they're neglecting to mention one thing about these little devices - you're looking at a minimum outlay of over $500 for one of these suckers.

* MTV needs to get some more presenters. They seem to have the two twittering bimbo's, the transvestite and the dumb gay american. Get some variety you morons. Speaking of Americans, if this is an Australian channel - wtf are they doing with some no-name seppo as a presenter? Rack off back to Yankie-land and pollute your own airwaves. We're already suffering enough of your shit music without you as well.

* Has the British music industry (you know - the one which gave us the Beatles, the Stones, the Sex Pistols, etc) degenerated into such a pile of shit that it can only produce shit-house boy and girl-bands whose sole musical output of murdering covers of previously good songs?

* Speaking of the British music industry - the best thing it ever did for us was take the singing budgie off our hands. The worst thing its done is to let her continue to record. Still, at least it means every single talentless pop-tart tries to piss off to there to emulate her "success" (and hopefully save us from the audible abuse).