Got this in email, funny


Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a
large gas bill, a spokesman for NorthWest Gas said "We agree
it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr
Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the
explosion that destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)


Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a
whole salami in her knickers. When asked why, she said it
was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.
(The Manchester Evenings News)


Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen
van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a special
branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what
it looks like. (The Guardian)


After being charged £20 for a £10 overdraft, 30-year-old
Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to
"Yorkshire Bank PLC Are Fascist *******s". The bank has now
asked him to close his account, and Mr *******s has asked
them to repay the 69p balance, by cheque, made out in his
new name.
(The Guardian)


A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable
teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A
coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all
too common". (The Times)


At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a
coastguard on the spot and asked him to estimate the wind
speed. He replied that he was sorry, but he didn't have a
gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown
his Land Rover off the cliff.
(Aberdeen Evening Express)


Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the
audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of
war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was
repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always
seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up
in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out
"Heil Hitler".
(Bournemouth Evening Echo)



THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2002:


Crack Found on Governor's Daughter


Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash


Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers


Iraqi Head Seeks Arms


Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?


Prostitutes Appeal to Pope


Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over


Teacher Strikes Idle Kids


Miners Refuse to Work after Death


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant


War Dims Hope for Peace


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile


Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures


Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide


Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead


Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group


Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks


Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy


Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors