Once Upon A Time in Mexico - the third in Robert Rodriguez's El Mariachi trilogy seems to have banished to release date oblivion - which before I'd watched the film seemed a real pity. Now I kind of understand why. It's a crazy kind of film, with a semblance of a plot which often seems to be ignored whenever it might interfere with any kind of action piece.
What it does show however, is that Rodriguez can not only handle the action set pieces, but has a bit of a warped sense of humour.
This is a rambling commentary while watching the movie - so it's full of spoilers and might not make much sense...
Didn't Cheech Marin die in the second movie???
None of this guitar cases hiding machine guns bullshit - this time the guitar's a freaking machine gun :)
The movie is only slightly over the top. More deaths in the first 5 minuits that you get in the average action film :) Heaps of fun.
Huzzah - Johnny Depp overacting - what fun :)
Does Antonio Banderas only own one set of clothing?
I thought the whole point of shooting The Mariachi's in the hand was so that he couldn't play the guitar anymore? I guess he's gotten better...
Good to see Robert Rodriguez makes flicks and not films.
Danny Trejo - another person who's character died in the second film. I guess all Mexians do look alike....
Nothing like seeing a character shot once with a rifle flying five metres back in the air off the stool they were sitting on. Movie Physics are always a good thing...
Mickey Rourke (with chiuaua), Willem Dafoe, Johnny Depp - what a scenery-chewing cast.
It sucks when people speak Spanish, and there aren't any subtitles :(
"Are you a Mexi-Can, or a Mexi-Can't?"....
I love the lack of reality in films such as this. We all know that women who look like Eva Mendes end up working for the police force in their anti-narcotics division....
Shit - 10 minuites without gunfire - unless you count Depp's characters senseless shooting of a poor innocent cantina cook who's only crime was making him dinner.... Ahh here we go - flash-back involving chains, firy arguements with Salma Hayek - and fully automatic gun-fire from assault rifles - that's more like it.
He's just ripped off that same shot of the hero sliding onto a moving bus for the third film in a row. And the bus has just crashed into a convinently passing fuel tanker. Result = firey explosion. Naturally.
WTF ??? Silencers on assault rifles???
Spurs may sound cool, but it makes it really hard to sneak around on tiles.
Shoot-up in the chapel - is nothing sacred? I think they managed to trash every pew in the church.
Ouch!!! That bull really fucked up that matador. I guess that's what happens when your belt explodes as a bull is charging you. It's kinda distracting.
Geez - how many flash-backs do we need to get across the point that he's mourning the death of Hayek's character! And now she's pregnant. Even sader...
Geez - Depp really likes shooting people...
There are convoluted plots. There are convoluted plots. And then there's this movie. This is all over the place
Huzzah - three Mariachis. All carrying guitar cases. I don't think they're here to play a three-part harmony. Maybe a harmony of death.
Banderas only seems to wear one spur. He clanks with every second step. Wierd.
Woman should learn - you hook up with The Mariachi - you're not long for this world.
Now we get to see people cleaning up the chapel they shot up earlier in the film. Cute. Must be spending the money The Mariachi looted from the dead bodies and left in the poor box.
Where the fuck did all these gun men come from? They're everywhere? And they can't shoot for shit. At least they die spectacularly.
Insane chase scene - and the hero still gets caught. Oh well.
Ohh - Trejo just died. And I'm not exactly sure why.... This is one confusing film...
More flashbacks - tho these ones are drug-addled - so I'm not sure how accurate they are. How sad - the Mariachi had kids.... And they died too.... Nasty General for killing poor Mariachi's loved ones...
Okay - they're going to tortute the Mariachi - but they fail to tie him up. So his response is to rip his captors' testicles off (at least - I think that's what that sound was...)
Umm Dafoe is now undergoing plastic surgery - why??? This movie is very confusing. Not to mention he had the surgey without full anasthetic. He must be crazy...
That's the second time the retired FBI agent has waved his unloaded revolver around. Buy some bullets man. Hooray - he finally has.
Okay... The gunmen who were chasing the doctor, are now helping him into a car. Again - I feel like I'm missing large parts of this movie's plot.
Ohhh - Defoe's character had his face skinned. Nice..... But they're switched bodies - because his rings don't fit. Crafty... Oooh - so now it looks like Defoe's character is running around - minus a face... Freaky...
Now its the Mexican Day of the Dead. So you know things will get even wierder...
And now Eva Mendes' character has betrayed Johnny Depp - the bitch. And now I think they're going to steal his face!!! Or maybe just his eyeballs.... I don't know what other reason a grasping claw needs a drill in the middle of it for...
Depp's got blood all over his face - they must have stolen his eyeballs. Poor boy... And now he's getting a 12 year old to shoot a guy who's following him with a gun he pulled out of his groin...
No eyes and Depp still manages a head shot!!!
Military Coup!!! M-60's!!! Bazooka's!!! Big Bangs!!! Tanks!!! Mariachi's on the move!!! Hooray!!!
"I can't see fuckmook! I have no eyes!" But he does have a small Mexican child who seems to be happy to follow him and hand him his guns...
And now a mobile taco stand has turned into a machine gun emplacement!!! The Mexican peasants are really get into the spirit of revolution.
Who knew guitar cases make such excellent stair surfboards...
Boring, the Mariachi's are only playing with hand-guns... Now they've brought out the flame throwers!!! And remote controlled guitar cases packed with explosives!!! Excellent!!!
How do these bullets blow holes through people while blowing them 10 metres across the room at the same time???
And the Mariachi's are protecting the President!!! "Sons of Mexico" indeed.
Eyelless Johnny Depp with his Mach 10 verses the Mexican bad guys. He's like Daredevil. Only without the red leather gimp suit and with machine guns. And better looking woman who actually do shit to harm him instead of just talking about it...
And now the peasants are beating the snot out of the military. It looks like the escapees from a KISS concert have gotten their hands on the bazookas.
Ooohh - stand-off. Evil Mexican General verses The Grief-stricken Revenge-seeking Mariachi. Who will win???? The Mariachi literally BLEW HIS KNEECAPS OFF!!! Hardcore.
And now Dafoe-without-a-face has turned up with his evil good-looking turn-coat daughter. And Johnny just shot her - right between her breasts - with his fake arm!!! And now he's dead. How sad.
Geez - that sawn-off The Mariachi is packing sure is accurate over long distances...
A gloved hand rises. Johnny Lives!!! As his little Mexican Boy comes back to help him.
And the Mariachi's - stuffed full of cash - are wandering along the road-side - escorting El Presidente to his limo. I guess they just do that...
And now - The Mariachi - draped in the Mexican flag - is striding purposefully along the road-side having avenged his wife's murder, and now appears to have a new purpose in life. Although what that purpose is I'm not sure. Gun-toting avenger of the Mexican people?
Maybe I need to watch it again, but that was one confusing movie. It seemed like a mish-mash of half a dozen seperate movies. But the halfs all came from different films, so nothing really added up to one coherent story-line. Yet again, The Mariachi is driven to avenge the murder of a loved one one, which again happened before the movie started (though we're yet again shown itin flashback. I guess Salma Hayek is too big a star now to get involved in the breast-baring scenes that were among the highlights of Desperado...). Despite this , the movie seems to forget that THE MARIACHI HAD HIS HAND SHOT TO SHIT SO HE CAN'T PLAY MARIACHI GUITAR ANYMORE!!! Oh well, still plrenty of gun-fire, explosions, flying bodies and mayhem. Just a pity it's such a flawed film, following on from such a good flic like Desperado.
